Taking Photos Suck

What…

Before returning to college, after a long break filled with fun and relaxation, my mother and I had the greatest verbal conflict in the history of our relationship – or since my birth. What was the conflict about? A passport photo. My passport was to expire in April, therefore my parents and I wanted to renew it as quickly as possible. I did not take my passport photo seriously since I did not expect my picture to appear on the cover of Vogue. Therefore, I decided to wear sweats and t-shirt, hair tied-up in a messy bun – 100% natural in my opinion. My mother thought otherwise, and was infuriated. The initial bickering fest escalated into a fiery argument. Then, the verbal explosion occurred. We both exchanged some regrettable statements and then continued to the photo-taking location in complete silence. When we arrived, my mother decided to buy a hairbrush and chap stick as a last minute attempt to “fix” my appearance, which I did not appreciate one bit. Like a brat, I refused and walked as far away from her as possible. The situation became excruciatingly ridiculous very quickly.

The same evening, neither one of us acknowledged the other. As far as I was concerned, she was invisible. The only way she could reappear was if she apologized to me. My mother apparently thought the same way because we did not speak for three consecutive days. Now, my mother is absolutely best friend. Since the day my parents moved me into my dorm room and left me there to be an adult, I have not gone a single day without calling her. Therefore, going three consecutive days without speaking was an emotional devastation. Eventually, I could not live with the tension and apologized to my mother for the sake of restoring our relationship, even though I personally did not feel at peace with the situation.

So What…

My mother and I have had many arguments in the past and I can already predict a countless number of arguments that are bound to happen in the future. However, we never really talk about the problem at hand. If we do try to analyze the situation, the conservations turn into a blame-game, which is pointless. Instead, I apologize (most of the times) or she apologizes and then we carry on like nothing ever happened. According to Levi, in his discussion about team problem solving mentions that “teams may rush through the problem definition stage, only to find that they have to return to it during the solution or implantation stage.” In other words, if time is not taken to thoroughly analyze and develop a reasonable solution to a problem, then problem re-occurrence during a later, more important period is basically inevitable because the same behaviors and attitudes persist.

So Now What…

Reflecting on the situation with my mother, I decided to research some tips that could lead to effective problem solving. I found two sources (“Over Fifty Problem Solving Strategies” and “Problem Solving Strategies”) that touched on the same ideas overall, which were presented as a step-wise process. After doing a comparison, my mother and I never really delve into the core of our problem – we both initiated the conversation by expanding on behaviors that bothered us, which lead to blaming of course. In effect, in the future, I think my mother and I should use these new strategies and learn how to truly listen to each other’s perspectives in order to successfully problem-solve.